The Dance


This is the first time I cooked and made my husband dance. It came from the Greatest Hits book, and it only contains easy to use ingredients.

Add to these ingredients one beer. Begin by uncapping the beer, and drinking deeply. Then brown the meat, add the bacon, whoops! Forgot to mention the onion. And when I used regular bacon, I cut it with scissors, which is much easier than trying to cut it with a knife.

Anyway, all the meat needs to be browned, then the “cheese food” needs to go in, and the heat can go lower so it melts nicely. Let it cool.

Meanwhile, wash a cookie sheet. Do you notice they never mention this step on Food Network? Spray with Pam. The pizza dough doesn’t need Pam, but when the cheese leaks out — and it will — you’ll be glad the Pam was there. Roll out the pizza in a rectangular shape. Spread the meat and cheese over it. Roll it the long way. Adjust.

It looks really weird…I mean super weird. Try to get over that! Have another beer. I’d like to call this recipe Red Neck Calzone because of the ingredients. Honest, I had never used Velveeta before this, and now I understand why it’s so great. Someone at work suggested I use regular cheddar instead, but no — it wouldn’t melt nicely like that. It would be too greasy.

After about 20 minutes, it comes out perfect. The bread is perfect. The bacon is perfect. The husband is dancing. Dancing! Because of something I, myself, and the Pop’n’Fresh Dough Boy, cooked with our bare hands! Woot. Drain the beer.


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